Round 6: HALFWAY!!

We are officially halfway! Or, we will be as of Thursday afternoon. It is really so wonderful to have finally reached this point. 6 down, 6 to go. Kent has unfortunately felt pretty miserable so far, but he is hanging in there. He is getting a lot of sleep, which will be good for him.

Big news for this cycle:

    10% chemo reduction. They think that the side effects that he has been experiencing, and some that were more severe this last time, are a little too much to maintain the current dosage. This round there will be 10% less poison! Next round may go right back to normal if the side effects don't change, or it could possibly go down. Don't worry though, the doctor is confidant that the 10% change will NOT mean a higher chance of the cancer sticking around. It should still be just as effective at this stage of things.

I told you all a little about J last week. We saw her again today and thought I would share a little more about her. Today it was really sad to see the devastation on her face. She got some bad news in a recent CT scan. She has stage 4 colon cancer which metastasized to her liver. They hoped the chemo for the colon cancer would help the liver cancer, but the tumors are not shrinking. The blessing, they aren't growing either. Because of these new developments, her husband came with her to her treatment today to get all the information and the new treatment plan. At the beginning of the appointment I am not with Kent, they only take the patients back. While I waited I got to know her husband a bit. It was really sad to hear his concern and worry, and I could relate in many ways. This blog isn't about me, so please forgive this quick switch to my side of treatments.

I spoke with J's husband about the treatments and how he was doing. Frankly, he said, he was not doing well.  He has been told the same things I have been told. "This isn't about you, so stop being selfish" "It isn't like you are the one with the cancer" "You aren't the one going through this, your spouse is" etc. He told me today that he wishes people could understand that as family we are going through treatments too. We don't feel the sickness, but we feel helpless as we can't change it, as we watch them go through pain, sickness, testing, etc. It really isn't easy being the "caregiver" because most of the care we can give is simply sitting there and watching it all take place. There is no cure for the cure. We also talked about the many "good intentions" comments we have had directed at us. For instance "Happy Mothers' Day. I hope you aren't a widow next year and that your son doesn't grow up without a father."

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What do you say to that? Or as J's husband shared with me today... "My sister's best friends wife had that same cancer. She was dead 3 months later."

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Again, what do you say?

I don't bring this up to make anyone double think what they have said to me.  I am so grateful for the love and support you have all shown us. It was just... refreshing to hear from someone else who is experiencing similar things, hear that they have learned to accept the good intentions from others, even if they kind of hurt sometimes. I for one am terrible with words. I never say what I really want to say, or feel like I should say. Somehow it always gets mixed up, so I am sure I have probably been one of those "good intentions" comments at some point, and I hope whoever it was understood what I meant instead of what I said. But like I said, it was interesting to hear these stories from J's husband too.

He also shared with me about how he felt cheated by life. He said he has spent his whole life building up for the retirement they would share, which he will now most likely spend alone. All of his plans, their plans, are just gone. They live day to day now. My heart went out to him. In many ways I could understand. Kent does not have stage 4 cancer, for which I am SO very grateful. Having such different circumstances means I can't totally understand, but to an extent I can. Kent does still have cancer, and at least 3 times while in the hospital in January I was told my husband's prognosis was very bad, that I might lose him. We had just celebrated our 3 year anniversary when this all happened and there they were telling me that it was all about to end. To that extent, I also felt cheated. How did the 60+ years I had planned on, all the children and grandchildren, family vacations, our first home, all of it! how did that suddenly turn into he has years, maybe months to live? How could I cram 60+ years into such a short amount of time, especially with a very sick husband? Thankfully, his prognosis is much better now that all the emergencies from the beginning have been cleared up and we have all, or at least most of, the information, but there are days where "about 80%" still seems like a really low number, like getting the C or D on the paper instead of the A. At these times I am so grateful for the promise I have of forever with my sweetheart. Even if it ended right now (which it better not) I would be grateful for every second I have had with him, and I would anxiously look forward to the eternity I have ahead. There have been many experiences that have taught me the importance of forever families, and this one was definitely a BIG lesson. After talking with him, I really hope J and her family have that same blessing, that same promise that it doesn't end here. That if the Lord takes her home, that she will just be on the other side waiting for them.

Anyways, enough about me and this thought provoking conversation. Kent is halfway! I am so grateful for the strength the Lord has given us in helping us get through this. Everyday we feel His guiding hand, leading us, supporting us, and strengthening us. It is amazing how far we have come since January, and I know it was only done with the help of our Lord and our Redeemer. They are always there as a support, and they have provided us with wonderful family and friends who have also been with us every step. We love all of you and are so thankful for you!

*** Kennedy had a check up and the doctors think things look good for him. They aren't sure what to say because they were positive they were seizures, now they aren't sure if they really were or not. However, they think even if they are seizures that he will just grow up happy and healthy, that the seizures won't interfere. His development is great and they are SUPER optimistic for him! :) YAY!! :)

My forever family.